Chapter 29: Extraordinary Paranormal Incident Response Bureau

Chapter 29: Supernatural Incident Response Bureau

"Okay."

Lu Li hung up the phone, but he didn't move from his seat.

Hard pass. He had absolutely no intention of opening the door.

Does he look like someone who hasn't watched horror movies or read horror novels? The person calling is either a thug or a ghost. Open the door? Not a chance! Opening the door is just asking to be the first victim!

Besides, this "Pan Shuai" was far too suspicious. "Beauty Blogger Weiming" was dead—would he really be calling him? And even if he were, his tone wouldn't be that calm.

Therefore, there could only be one answer: The person calling wasn't Pan Shuai! It was either a villain or a vengeful spirit. In any case, nothing good. So, Lu Li decided that the best way to handle the unknown was to stay put.

Moreover, Miss Huai Xu was probably still in the house. She was quite terrifying too, but since she was supposed to be on a date with him, she wouldn't kill him, right?

Lu Li sat firm as a rock. He even contemplated frying a couple of eggs for a long-overdue breakfast.

But then, the phone on the coffee table rang again. It was a video call request. Lu Li glanced at it; sure enough, it was Pan Shuai again.

"Heh."

Lu Li answered it immediately. He wanted to see what kind of trick the caller was trying to pull.

The face that appeared on the screen was indeed Pan Shuai’s. He was slicked back and dressed in a sharp suit. However, due to the lens distortion, his already handsome face looked a bit bloated, much like a distorted character on a wide-angle camera. Behind him was indeed the area right outside Lu Li’s door, and standing next to him were Hao Liang and Luo Hao.

"Old Lu! Did you fall into the toilet? Open the door!" Pan Shuai launched into a frantic outburst right off the bat.

Lu Li nodded to himself. Classic Pan Shuai, but did he really think he could fool him? Too naive.

Lu Li snorted, "You think you can trick me? You’re not Pan Shuai at all."

Pan Shuai paused, blurting out, "Did you start drinking first thing in the morning?"

Hmm... Lu Li hesitated. This reaction was exactly like Pan Shuai.

He crept toward the door, bracing himself to see a bloody, ghostly eye through the peephole. He leaned in and looked. There was indeed someone outside, and it really was the trio: Pan Shuai, Hao Liang, and Luo Hao. Luo Hao was that chubby friend who hadn't shown up the night before because of overtime.

Lu Li returned to the coffee table and sat down. He spoke to the trio of faces on the phone, "Actually, it’s simple. Pan, I’ll ask you three questions. If you answer them correctly, I’ll let you in."

The three men on the other side seemed to realize something; they exchanged glances, their expressions turning much more somber.

"Old Lu, have you run into something?"

"I'm the one asking the questions," Lu Li replied, ignoring his query.

"Fine." Pan Shuai’s expression was grave as he said, "Ask away."

Lu Li: "First, what year did you lose your virginity? Be specific to the day."

Pan Shuai: "..." He was stunned. What kind of question was this? But looking at the serious Lu Li on the screen, he instinctively glanced back. Hao Liang and Luo Hao looked equally serious. Pan Shuai’s mind went blank. Was there something wrong with him? Or did the other three know? When did this happen? Did he tell them himself? At that moment, Pan Shuai fell into a deep state of self-doubt. As the saying goes, if everyone else is a fool, the only normal person is the odd one out.

Pan Shuai hesitated for a few seconds, then decided to answer. Maybe he really was the odd one. "Seven years ago, August 24th... or maybe the 25th, I don't remember clearly."

"You remember it quite clearly, don't you?" Lu Li nodded and moved to the next question. "Where did you usually meet all those girls?"

Pan Shuai, having reached his breaking point, just spilled it: "A few years ago, it was WeChat 'Shake,' then Momo, then Tantan and Momo, and recently, it’s been Soul."

"Fair enough. Last question," Lu Li asked. "How do you pick up girls?"

"Huh? That's simple. You just ask for their contact info and chat. Dress up a bit, look 'high-class'—it's actually quite easy. Then create some physical contact; as long as they don't object, you can close the distance quickly. If it fails, no big deal, just give up and find the next one. Even if you fail, you only lose a bit of face; there's no other loss."

After finishing his breathless rant, Pan Shuai glanced at the phone screen. He noticed Lu Li was listening with great interest. Even more ridiculous was Luo Hao behind him, who had actually opened a notepad on his phone and was furiously typing away—clearly taking notes.

"..." Pan Shuai couldn't take it anymore. "What are you doing! Be serious!"

"Pfft, haha!" Lu Li couldn't hold it in either. "Alright, I confirm you're the real ones."

He hung up and opened the door. Pan Shuai walked in with a dark expression, followed by the other two. As soon as he stepped inside, he grabbed Lu Li by the collar. "Old Lu, how do you know all those things about me?"

"I didn't know! That’s why I asked!" Lu Li laughed uncontrollably. "Though, I don't remember the exact date for the virginity thing, I do remember it was around the summer of 2014."

"Really? Did I actually tell you?" Pan Shuai looked suspicious.

"That's true, I remember it too," Hao Liang nodded. "We were eating out that afternoon and you said you couldn't come. Later, halfway through our meal, you showed up with a girl, walked around, and left. We only realized later you were showing off. Then, at three in the morning that night, you were wailing in the group chat and sending red envelopes. It was hard to forget."

Pan Shuai: "..."

"Those were the mistakes of a reckless youth." He took a deep breath, suppressed his internal breakdown, and turned back to Lu Li. "Old Lu, we really have something to tell you, and it's serious."

"I can tell." Lu Li grabbed three cans of soda from the fridge, tossed one to each of them, and sat back on the sofa. He gestured with his chin. "I can tell. I've known you guys for over ten years, and this is the first time I've ever seen you in suits."

Indeed, the three were decked out in black suits with slicked-back hair. Given their tough looks, they looked like gangsters. Fortunately, there were no real gangs in the country, only gang-like hooligan groups, or they would have been arrested long ago.

"This is our work uniform. It's mainly to be convincing," Pan Shuai explained, then pulled the other two to sit down. "You know what we do for a living, right?"

"I know." Lu Li cracked open a soda and took a sip. "Ah—! You work in the procurement department of a state-owned enterprise, Ritian works at one too—you're in defense and he's at a glass factory—and Liangzi does new media, helping other companies run their official accounts."

"Did you sleep your brain out?" Pan Shuai was speechless. "We work for the Supernatural Incident Response Bureau. But you were right about us being civil servants."

"What the hell?" Lu Li picked at his ear. "The 'Super-Age' Bureau? You're responsible for statistics on unmarried youth? Let me tell you right now, if you're planning to collect a 'single tax,' I'm not paying it!"

"..." Pan Shuai wanted to punch him, but thinking of the danger Lu Li might be in, he held back. "The Supernatural Incident Response Bureau. In short, we deal with urban legends and ghosts."